Struggle well

Down.
I'm down today. I'm feeling a little over worked, under paid, and frankly a little lonely.I had intended to write a post at how God has been becoming more and I've been becoming less. I am finally starting to get that concept.

But, today, I'm just down. I think it's harder for us only children to give up ourselves. It's been about us for a while. I now know it's not about me, but knowing it in my head and feeling it in my heart are different. It is still so hard for me at times to give of myself with nothing in return. I do know God's returns are so much greater than what I have in mind...a thank you, some unsolicited help, an ear to listen or a hug. His rewards last forever.

Yet, I've really been serving my family lately with a joyful heart, knowing that serving them is serving God. That isn't me, that is God working in me. He is changing me, and showing me about His ways, which CLEARLY are not mine. Today, I find myself tired, depressed and a little resentful, not joyful.

I am not patient.
Lord, I know the race is long, and I pray for your strength that I may be steadfast in it. I don't want to be a sprinter, but a long distance runner with stamina to last the full race. I even want to be the runner that picks up speed because the finish line is near, so much nearer than I realize. Continue the work you are doing in me, Lord. I want to serve you, I want to know you, and I want to be the woman, wife, and mother you have called me to. Let me be less and You be more.You always provide for me and you answer my prayers. You guide me even in the littlest of things and I have been noticing lately. Today I want thanks, I want help, I want to be held, listened to, and cared for. I was just thinking that those are things You can't necessarily provide. And then I just realized that you already did.

Through a friend, You sent me an email thanking me for something I did last week that welcomed someone else; something that I felt slightly awkward doing, but did out of a desire to love someone else that day. (ok, I'm crying now.)You provided lunch yesterday and today with two close friends that listened to me and cared for me. You provide me with a little boy, who loves to hug and kiss on his momma and those he loves.

I know in a day or two, I will look at this and be in a different place. But today, this is where I am.
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But that's not where I stayed. As I wrote the above sentence, my little boy woke up from his nap, coughed and threw up. The rest of the long, exhausting day ended with a sick little boy and his tired momma cuddling in bed until he fell asleep.

Sounds silly, but it was just the reset I needed from where I was.
Maybe a little slap to say, 'snap out of it', but a bit gentler.
I guess the saying is true, "I love you enough not to leave you where you are". Thank you Lord for that.

Days later, I read back through my unedited, unproofed thoughts above. Although one that usually can find something wrong with anything I do, I was actually encouraged by my train of thought, as scattered as it was. Even in my frustrated moments, I saw how God had been right there loving on me through those He put around me.

One of my goals is just to struggle well.
I think this may be what it looks like. Want to struggle well together?