Must be nice

A bad attitude. That's what I had today. I did the right thing for the right reason with a bad attitude. Stink.I am part of the leadership for a new ministry at church whose purpose is to help teach parents how to raise children as God's children. I'm passionate about it because obviously I am one of those that needs the help!

Today we had one of the elders' wives coming to speak to us...pretty cool. We had childcare provided on a first come first serve basis, and I signed up early. But, more people signed up than we had childcare for. So, rather than turning people away, we decided that the leadership should volunteer to serve in childcare.
I was prepared...and even demanded that I be the one to serve over a friend that really needed a break from her kiddos. Right decision, right reason.

When I got there though, my attitude stunk. Not much of a morning person, I went to bed too late, woke up early, barely had any make-up on, and was sneezy city with allergies over night and this morning. Poor pitiful me. Waaaahhhh.The first person I saw was made-up, beautiful, bouncy and enthusiastic about visiting with the elder's wife.
'Must be nice', I thought.

The moms began coming in and dropping off their kids, seemingly without a worry of how it all came together.
'Must be nice', I thought.

Then, there was a glimmer of hope. It was WAY past the time we asked everyone to drop off their kids and there were just enough workers to keep mine. I thought, 'See there. All for naught. It is going to work out.'

Not so fast...2 moms that hadn't signed up at all and another member of the ministry leadership showed up with kiddos. All 3 of them did volunteer to help serve. That WAS nice. But as I sent them off to enjoy the discussion, I was thinking...'Must be nice.'

My boy was a bit clingy at first, but I actually had a fine time in there with the kiddos and got to love on some I hadn't seen in a while. After the zillionth time I sneezed though (allergies remember, and kleenex of course), I was pretty worn out.

Crabby Cathy showed up again when the moms came to pick up their kids. There was a large group that came right away. And then another group came 10 minutes + later for the rest of the kids. I'm sure they were visiting upstairs. 'Must be nice'.

Some of them knew I wasn't myself. Actually, I guess I was myself...my self-ish self. I got 1 phone call and two e-mails that same day inquiring about my well being or asking if they had done something wrong. It didn't surprise me at all, but that didn't keep me from feeling so embarrassed of my juvenile, selfish behavior. That part stunk. I wasn't able to talk to each one, but I did apologize and ask forgiveness.

Today, I had a bad attitude, and I was and still am embarrassed by it. The whole time I knew that I made the right decision to serve and for the right reasons. But, that didn't seem to help my attitude. And yet, I wouldn't have done it differently even if given the chance.

It reminded me about why God is so after our heart. Even when our hands are working to serve Him, our hearts can still be serving elsewhere.

He also showed me something else...
Besides it's clear that I'm self-centered and still struggle with that, I didn't beat myself up completely today and loathe in it for days and days like I would have in the past. I asked God for forgiveness and I asked the others for forgiveness as well. I was able to let it go and actually have some peace after that.Once I finally started to just let God love me as is and not think that I had to be lovable by Him to be loved, grace and forgiveness began to reign over things like today's bad attitude and selfish behavior.

Now there is only one thing I MUST do better next time...

MUST BE NICE.